Posts

My name is Inigo Montoya, you stepped on my father prepare to cry

Ask not for whom the dog barks, it barks for thee

When Mary Jane is in trouble but attendance is 20%

When human life expectancy is 79 years but you finish it in 14

Office manager: I'm submitting the monthly supply order, let me know if you need anything for your workspace

Oliver took this photo and edited it in an app all by himself. Looks great! I'm very proud!

Shouting won't help, he doesn't understand english, then I'll make him understand, the british empire summarized

School bans bags so boy turns up carrying books in a microwave

I want to play a game, is it fortnite? No it's not fortnite, I want you to saw your foot off, at least its not fornite

Thanos preparing to protect himself from Antman in Endgame

When your estimated time of arrival on google maps goes from 5:40 to 5:38, I am speed

Poland: exists, prepare for trouble, and make it double

Doug Dimmadome Owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, Dimmsdale California

When your boss tells you to delete the feature you just spent a month and a half on

Roses are red, alleys are narrow, drunk woman steals a ferry and yells: I'm jack sparrow

Developers at the beginning of a project vs Developers at the end of a project.

Pretty sure the word you're looking for is aquarium, liquid zoo

When you're helping your dad with something and he hasn't told you what to do in a long time so you just standing there like

BMW Grill 2020, 2025, 2050, 2060

My army is ready, we attack at nightfall

Got her kid into school the old-fashioned way, saved $500.000

My brother got a thumb from each parent

An adult that looks 14: *exists*, Disney executives:

When you're arguing with someone but you walk away and hear them say ·0110010101111oooomo10001100101011 100100110110101101001011011100110000 10lll010001100101' under their breath

When the human you're going to eat starts to run

When you have to watch cartoons after a scary movie so you don't have nightmares

Me:*Walks past nice bush* Brain: Take some leaves Me: Why? Brain: You gotta

Teacher: If you have 12 apples and you give your friend 6, what do you have? Me (through tears) : A friend

When my dog wants attention he gently bites a piece of furniture, holds perfectly still, and makes aggressive eye contact. It's pretty weird and very funny. Also it works

Me pretending to be busy the last hour of work

Big House, summer 2019 netflix

This is Jeremy. He hasn't done anything for you, but wants to raise awareness that the pangolins (like himself) is the most poached animal in the world and are going extinct

This carrot wants to be an astronaut so badly

lnstagram models during the shutdown, this is who I am now, a normal person

Hamburgers vs pierogi

When it is the 30th Anniversary of the world wide web and no one is celebrating it, sad processing noises

What are you doing, the virus database has been updated

Anti-vaxxer logic, this bridge is only 99.997% safe, I think I'll swim

Why is the mcdonald's flag at half-staff, they lost another ice cream machine

How to find Kentucky on the map, chef hat, head, shirt, pants, boots, pan, kentucky fried chicken right here

Dog: wow I sure love when it's so quiet and peaceful, Dog to Dog: violently lick your genitals until everyone in the room is uncomfortable

This bird holds himself in air by power of hate

What helicopters do in action movies, explode

The year is 151441, humanity is on it's last string of life, food is scarce, the last bottle of maple syrup has just expired, the canadians have fallen

A british bee, a us bee

Harry Potter and the mystery of Russian public transport

On a hot day refresh yourself with a cold war, leninade

McDonald's got their tax refund, so they finally called in the big dogs to fix their ice cream machine

When you look at someone's phone and the wallpaper is a picture of themselves

Hey boss do we get vacation days? Your job is a vacation from poverty