Water flow from shower head the day I installed it - Water flow from shower head two months later

Me in the middle of the night thinking about that shirt I haven't seen in a while

He looks like a vandalized subway wall - Your daughter brings him home, your first words?

Someone said Trippie Redd looks like Greta Thunberg cosplaying Lil Wayne and now I can't unsee it

Me watching you edit my google doc

I think I have a crush on Beyonce, whatever floats your boat, no thats buoyancy

I found this carrot in my roomate's shower, who eats carrots in the shower?

Which of these days is part of the weekend in Germany? Donnerstag, Sonnstag, Mittwoch, Dienstag

Gamers: *drink water* Mass shooters: *drink water* Politicians: coincidence i think not

When you're two blocks from your house and you begin to lose the battle

When you say bye to someone and both of you leave in the same direction

The cockroach when it starts flapping its wings, me who was a gangsta a moment ago

Teenage girls commenting "queen" and pretttyyyyyy on each other's pictures

Barking at strangers, Barking at the mailman, Barking at Friends and Family, Barking at absolutely nothing

Nobody, Girls in kids drawings

Dad - How old are you? Me - 18 Dad - When I was your age I was 19

Interviewer: Why do you want to Storm Area 51, Dunaway: I want to free my son

When your grandma gives you money, but your mom yells from another room: Don't give him anything!

Eating some tangerine and accidentaly created a deathmetal band logo

The aliens at Area 51 waiting on that "we outside" text

Guys remember to place torches around Area 51 so more guards don't spawn

When too many people you know f rom different places come together & you have to maintain the personality you've created for each one at the same time

When you're at a party and you only know one person

Me in HS: OMG i cant wait to go be on my own and decorate my house, chair and table

Time traveler: what are you playing? Me: Minecraft, Time Traveler: 1 or 2? Me: hapiness noise

Florida man showing up to the area 51 raid

Me going to area 51 and having to kill my FBI agent

When you're at a party and you only know one person

Hey if a public bathroom door is locked don't forget to try to repeatedly open it and give the person using it paralyzing anxiety

Ameicans when they see someone using km/h instead of guns per school

This barista puts stickers over the Starbucks logo on frappuccinos so girls can't take selfies with them

The therapy dog after I share all my problems

If you're not grilling at my grave site we were never really friends

When the waitress takes your plate and there were still fries on it

Thomas Edison: invents light bulb - Moths in 1879

WHEN AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE MEETS AN IMMOVABLE OBJECT, Let me speak to the manager, I am the manager