Some kid did that in my school once but he didn't have a trumpet

Not all superheroes wear capes - That man in Red shirt is using his force to stop the bat

Sometimes when i can't sleep i think about how Kevin Durant's feet are shaped like Olive Garden bread sticks

Can't stop laughing at this dude in a cop car dressed as the grinch running a red light

Every corpse on mount everest was once an extremly motived person

I'd like to talk to the manager - I need to speak with the regional director - I demand a parley with the Chief Executive Officer - I require the presence of the Board of Directors

Pen works - Pen does not work

Rare photo of the tree that home depot and lowels get their lumber from

Man Arrested For Teaching His Dog To Bite People Who Fortnite Dance In Public - Carefully he's a hero

When you ask a question in class and the professor says: that's a great question

Nice earmuffs potter, did your mom make them for you? Destruction 100

Normal person: if i had superpowers, I'd make the world a better place - me: wolverine, bring me a cheese pizza

When you find the milk carton at the grocery store that expires Iday later than all the other milk cartons

When you shuffle your 500 song playlist and it starts on the best one

My spotify algorithm : finally, I know what music you like - me: listens to Take Me Home, Country Roads for an hour - my spotify algorithm :

When you clock in at 9, work for 45 years and look at the clock and it's only 9:30

Hang in there guys, only 15 days to go - Socks and underwear

I socialised this weekend. Me for the next 3 months: monk on a mountain

This is how little kids cough - Cat face

Karen, I - There is no I jake, there is only we - Ok karen, we are gay

Nikola Tesla: I hope nobody steals my ideas - Thomas Edison:

Infinity Stones vs Infinitely stoned - Snoop dog

Christmas when you're 10 years old vs christmas now

Britain: Colonizes half the world - People: immigrates to Britain legally - Britain: this is not fun anymore

Mom: Stop doing that - Me: But dad lets me - Dad:

When you turn 18 and the cashier asks for your ID - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Live fast, die young and leave behind a pretty corpse that's what I always say - You should say something else

When someone tells me to do something I was already planning on doing - Well now I am not doing it

Ravioli ravioli give me the death i deservioli

Your retardation is disadvantageous. I propound you all vamoose with great importunity - It's a Thesaurus!

A man who had a stroke in 2004 permanently lost the ability to feel sad

When you take a test the other class periods haven't taken yet

When the doctor says you're in cardiac arrest but you don't kno what that means - Hands up

When the white kid you've been nice to passes you a book under the table and he wrote: "You're cool. Run out of the school when I give the signal"

The fbi watching me laugh at my own jokes for six hours

Ernie's constant screaming made Bert remember the sound of the burning children