Did you come here to die? Nah mate, came here yesterdie

Teacher: You have 5 minutes to copy everything from the white board - 21st Century Students :

How can I make myself appear more dangerous? Girls are definitely into that. I'm a tall white guy,Ialready wear mostly black clothes and smoke cigs

45 year old white ladies in Mexican restaurants after saying gracias to the waiter

Using the drake format - Using this dog format because he is a good boy

Bacteria: *enters the body - Brain: *Raises body temperature to fight bacteria - Human: *Takes a pill to lower fever

When you sneeze on the non-vaxxed kid - Mama just killed a man

Literally everyone in the french monarchy (1785, colorized) - seal

Cat: excuse me, can you give me a ride home? - Driver: which home? Cat: your home

I was born in a box I live in a box I sleep in a box, my food comes from a box, I crap in a box, it's all boxes man

Please don't complain about our English if you can't speak thai, love you

Normal billionaire stuff - Elon Musk: pewdiepie, weed

Shaggy shouldn't be in Mortal Kombat - Where is that written? In the name, Mortal Kombat

I had not done my homework to deceive the teacher I used a loading gif to make him think that the homework was not loading

If your kidnapper takes longer than 15 minutes to get gas then you are legally allowed to leave

Newborn Spartan baby: *coughs* - Spartans: yeet throw

That woman just punched me in the stomach - I just saw what happened, is your tummy ok?

Indian man steals light bulb while pretending to exercise

Just remember, however hard something is, it'll never be as hard as taming one of these bad boys - minecraft

Thor in his own movie - Thor in infinity war

So our local children's hospital re­cently redecorated, but I'm not too sure they really thought things out - Blood trail

When you ask your American friend the temperature outside and he uses Fahrenheit

Whoever let this sit out and rust over probably had a crazy reason for doing it. You know,a loco motive

I agree with Thanos everyday a little more

Who would win? Shaggy at 100% power, Nokia 3310 with full Protection IV Diamond Armor

How normal parents talk to their children - How Anti-vaxx parents talk to their children

When you've spent 15 mins very strategically getting into bed without moving your pet and then they get up anyways

Femanon here. If you guys wanted a girlfriend all you have to do is take literally reasonably good care of yourself and not look like someone threw acid on your face at birth

Your front door was just smashed open. What do you grab for self­ defense?

Looks like you left the window open while they was cutting grass - Delicious breakfast with herbs

If unvaccinated kids wore pants,would they wear them like This or like this?- coffin with pants

My mom hates the off ice but my turtle loves it so it stays on

Why don't we make a teddy bear. But make it super realistic

Question - How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses? They taste the paper

Netflix playing previews automatically - Me trying to quietly browse movies

Remember in 2012 when the world was supposed to end? Well it did and Shaggy had to use 7.5% of his power to go back in time and reverse it.


Storm don't last forever - Jupiter: am I a joke to you?

Japanese Man dated a cockroach, had wet dreams with it, ate it when it died - It was time for thomas to leave, he had seen everything

Elon - Elong - Elonger - Elongest

In Spanish the suffix '-ito' means 'small', which hints at the existence of something bigger and greater than 'Mosquito',the legendary El Mosco

When you are hanging out with your black friends and they finally give you a cool nickname - Cracker

You're prostituting yourself off for cheeseburgers again aren't you? A man's gotta eat - Randy

70 year old man going to the mall at 7 am - People rushing to work

Thanos: Give me the last infinity stone! - Iron man: you can't get it it's in this sandwich - Thanos: you think a sandwich will stop me? *destroys sandwich - Shaggy: has anyone seen my sandwich?

When you show your mom a pie on your phone and she starts swiping - Swiper no swiping

I'm on a dinner date what do I say he's so cute and I'm nervous

Wait Dad I've got something for you - Oh I was hoping It'd be money

Pyramid - Pyraright - Pyraleft

My microwave keeps asking for sacrifices - Child