Lets see a pic of u in bikini then?

So my mom bought some crab and she wasn't ready to cook them yet - I am the crab lord

My wish: to have a 2 quarters and 3 dollars

Hello yes this is dog

Wallet wat r u doing wallet stahp

Snapped a pic of my father as he was talking about aliens

For those that say i endanger my child: it's more likely that you will fall while walking on the sidewalk

After midnight all australians should stop posting on facebook and twitter

What is it - Can i eat it - I'm gonna eat it

Emma Watson cries at the premiere of the last Harry Potter movie

I put a bit of gold tinfoil on my cats head

Why are the drinking fountains so short in Europe?

If you put headphones into your nostrils and open your mouth

Click ok to ok

Not sure if headache from too much coffee or not enough

Not sure if rocket in my pocket or just happy to see new futurama

Huge nasty bug i was too scared to kill or let escape

The right way to answer true and false questions

Hello - Yes this is bathtub

I saw a squirrel in my yard so i leaned on the wall sensually

I use to have normal skin

That's Russia Ms Merkel - No that's Germany - That's my girl

With the decepticons defeated - Optimus prime had to find work wherever he could

I just save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching..

Caution - Urine danger

How weird would it be..

I hate it when you walk outside and someone randomly throws a fridge at you

Let's all take a moment and be thankful that spiders can't fly

Kanye West should open a breakfast cafe called "Omelette you finish"

Swat - Gotham police department

My dad brought me home mcdonalds, God bless his soul

Watt is love - Baby don't hertz me, don't hertz me - no morse

Every 60 seconds in Africa - A minute passes

For every incorrect answer a student dies - My favorite movie

Son, you cheated on math exam - You're going to yale for this

Great. My book ran out of batteries. Stupid future

Not a single lady can resist me - No one can

Glados - Still a better singer than Justin Bieber

If i was your boyfriend, i'd never let you go - Girlfriend

Night time in Vancouver

I don't know how to say this but you don't have a hamster anymore

Make milkshakes they said - Boys will come to your yard they said

They said i could be anything - So i became the blackatar

She said it was either her - Or the motorcycle

My friends when they see a pretty girl on street

With great power - Comes the great electrical bill

Finally gets girl - She turns into the moon

Imposters will be nommed - turtles

Hitler steal my pokemon

Ruff day - Not feline the best