When you thought you ran over an animal but it was just a toddler

The news is alive with the sound of indictments

What's your zodiac sign? Dinosaur - But that one doesn't even exist - None of them exist

Simba is a vegan in new Lion King film - The end is near

Soon as the clock goes 00:00 tonight am putting my Santa hat and singing Mariah Carey all I want for Christmas is you


Huge financial burden on board

I was in the stadium watching PSG vs Liverpool and it was sad to realize that I wasn't the best actor there - Leonardo DiCaprio

My finger: is sweaty - My fingerprint scanner: I don't know you anymore

Big fan of this picture of a veterinarian showing a cat how fat he is

Mother: names child abcde (absidy) - Child gets made fun of

Setting my alarms for 5am at 1am - Crying cat

Has anyone told you you're beautiful today? No - Well there's always tomorrow

Scientists have developed the first telescopic contact lens, this lens is capable of zooming your vision to 3 times - All we asked for was to exit youtube while playing music

When your dog eats your philosophy homework

White people: completely butchering the pronunciation of any foreign language - Asian people: slightly miss-speaks english

Let us all remeber the time before the Kardashian family knew about plastic surgery

Sylvester Staline

When your mom randomly enters your room at night and you only have a second to think of a sleeping position

When you use the word rubbish instead of trash

Me: what we supposed to do? Teacher: ask a classmate - Me: aye bru - Teacher: no talking

Mom: he's about to go viral any day now - Woman: you started an instagram for him? I didn't vaccinate him

War is the only place to shoot a gun - America: give a little credit to our public schools

I'd like to introduce you to my religion - What's your religion - The Cat Earth Society

Android - iPhone - It's funny because the iPhone's battery dies before Mufasa does

When you're listening to the villain's speech and they're lowkey making a lot of sense

When you just finished a whole pizza and you're not sure if you're disgusted with yourself or want to finish strong with ice cream

Someone had a maternity shoot for their dog

How is my dad completely immune to the black and white filter - Because you haven't unlocked that character yet, dad's missing

Body cam video: undercover cops disguised as drug buyers accidentally bust undercover cops disguised as drug dealers

I don't like clowns - Why, they scare you? - No, they taste funny

This is the worst semester of my life - The worst semester of your life so far

Eat salad they said, it's healthy they said, you know what never gets recalled? Cake

When you were little and your parents gave you the offering envelope to put in the basket at church

Should I take my dog to the vet - I wood

Liquor store worker: do you need help? Me: yes but I decided to come here instead

Employer: pays minimum wage - Employee: gives minimum effort

When I see british citizen mocking the president, I just remember that in 100 years they went from ruling 1/4 of the world to living on an island the size of michigan - Laughs in american

When you're giving your class presentation and you finally find out why everyone is laughing

Finally a cause I can get behind - Put Drake and Josh on netflix

Microsoft Windows 7, 8, .. , 10 - Apple Iphone 6,7,8,...10 - Number 9: Am I a joke to you?

He doesn't protect - He doesn't attack - But most importantly he constantly meow for additional snack

Young catholics - Gregorian chant - David haas

Stay on the right path even if you have to walk alone - That's the left path

How are unicorns fake but giraffes are real, llike what's more believable a horse with a horn or a leopard moose camel with 40 foot neck

When you on break at work and see the staff struggling because it got busy

All the kids who wore these shoes in middle school are on probation now

When you're acting up in your maths class than you hear your teacher load up his pistol and whisper: ok now let's really get to subtracting

Spends 15 minutes drawing on coffee - Customer: the coffees cold - Pikachu meme

When you been roasting these flat-earthers and suddenly they put a bag over your head and you hear one of them say: take him to the edge