When I eat my first salad but I don't get an instant sixpack

The international symbol for maybe I'll make two sandwiches, I'm not sure yet

Minor mistake done by an employee paid minimum wage, middle aged white woman, is this a complaint to the manager

What year is this? It's the viking age, that explains the laser raptors

Milk truck crashed, looters showed up moments after

Sir we've seized 3 tons of marijuana, did you say 1 ton of marijuana, yes sir 8 grams of marijuana

Photographer: are you comfortable with nudity? Her: Yeah, Photographer: Excellent

He doesn't protecc, he doesn't attacc, but most importantly he contantly meow for additional snacc

When your mum calls your name for hours but you don't answer cuz you're playing an online game and she then decides to join via multiplayer

Would you like to donate $1 to help the poor? Me: lol there is 90% chance this card is gonna get declined, I am the poor

When your friend is about to do some stupid shit but you kind of want to see what happens

Give it to me straight doc, it's curiosity isn't it?