Look at me, im the captain meow

Party on wayne, party on darth

Timon, gee, he looks blue, pumbaa i'd say brownish-gold

Alaskans are buying weed legally, and i'm just sitting here waiting to buy beer on sundays

Why won't you love me dad, i can be anything you want me to e, i want you to be dead

The amount of too high i am is damn

Link y u no listen?

Look at this cleveland front of the bus middle of the bus, back of the bus, you guys are doing great

Listen here osama, you know what, you only came to wild'n out cuz you heared it's going to blow up, hit me with race jokes i ain't bothered, at the end of the day i at least know my father

We are playing in our own flesh

You are at a lan-party and this guy slaps your computer, what do you do?

I'm bacon you to be my valentine

Shout out to the hotel maids, that have to change sheets february 15th

Missed connection, you were the girl sitting on this park bench i was the guy fighting a duck for my pants and losing

If you ever feel useless think about stoplights in gta series

That moment when you realize your milk has a valentines day date and you dont

Aww man he screwed up my coffee, how, it's dirt

Father wields a mighty trident amazed by a fork

Obviously right now the middle east spiralling out of control, so tell me what should america do about this, we havent tried to do nothing

Closest planet to the sun, -173 C at night

Wife left me alone with my daughter, told us to do crafts, mission accomplished

This lettuce died, just so you could be a vegetarian, have a heart eat a rock

Do you have a bobby pin, yeah, i'm not a nine year old girl, then why do you throw like one

Mr Lahey is this you talking or the liquor, randy i am the liquor

Max when i die, i don't care who else is at my funeral as long as you're there, of course i'll be there, the murderer always show up to throw off the cops

When life gets you down when you think you've had enough, when you feel bruised and beaten, use photoshop, now you're awesome

It's messed up you can accidentally make a baby but you can't accidentally make a pizza

In ireland speed limits are more like challenges

An award statues, oh it's a grammy, dont throw your garbage down there

I'd like to buy out an entire kanye concert and be the only one to attend, that way i can boo him until he quits, then i'd demand a refund

Girls these are the only type of boyfriends, going to 50 shades of grey

Turns out this entire house is made of squirrels and that's going to add $1200 to the budget

Ok baby i'll talk to you later i love you, i love me too

Fear me human, i have acquired your yellow combat spear

Stephanie meyer just announced six whole new movies from the twilight saga, i thought it was over

I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was, now what i'm with isn't it and what's it seems weird and scary to me, it'll happen to you

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel, that makes me feel angry

I'm not bitter, i say bitterly with a bitter expression

So there we were at this bridge, and frodo says to me here you take the ring

No drinks outside, thanks mgmt

It's a dead heat, they're checking the electron microscope, the winner is number three in a quantum finish, no fair, you changed the outcome by measuring it

The molar bear, fighting against enamel cruelty

Love you cutie pie, sorry i'll think of a better one than cutie pie, you're my angel dust, that's a drug, my trying to flirt

Hello good sir i'd like your finest bottle of wine please, that will be 1600 dollars, i'd like your eight dollarest bottle of wine please

For her last meal she asked for a mcrib, and a shamrock shake, those two are almost never available at the same limited time

The roof is not my son, but i will raise it

If you ever feel bad about procrastinating, just remember that mozart wrote the overture to don giovanni the morning it premiered

Let's play a game, you can have the perfect body, but you have to eat healthy and workout regularly

Pam and i would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor

Meet your meat, tom is very smart and incredibly loyal, he's basically a dog, a dog we're going to cook chew and swallow