It smells like a bad tinder date out here, please lay off the axe and perfume

The circumference of any circle with a radius of 1, is two damn pi

Is that a new bolo tie, my son sells them on etsy, he is a huge disappointment

Jumpping out of helicopters is dangerous, you know they say 1 in 5 people don't even make it to the ground, what do you mean they dont make it to the ground, where do they go?

What are those night birds that wizards have?

There are 492 billionares in the united states, and not one of those losers has decided to become batman

How are ya, awesome amazing, i have to get out of my system because i'm going back to the uk this evening, ask me as an englishman how i am, alright

Kim kardashian west, famous person

Me and my friends would laugh and giggle and eat all the cookies, it was terrible, terrible

When you're home alone taking a shower, and you hear a noise

One does not simply not join music theory, i drew boromir ugly and you're gonna like it, one does not simply draw boromir

If you ever feel useless, remember there are referees in wwe

When you're in the middle of a game, and the beat drops

Thanks for letting me visit finland is beautiful, also is dark, when will the sun come out, another great summer

To the guy cheating off my math test this morning, we failed man

What kind of owl was hedwig, what kind of owl is hedwig

This man deserves to ba as popular as bill nye or neil degrasse tyson

Iggy really said blacks dont like her because shes a white woman like gwen stefani didnt teach the whole hood how to spell bananas?

Safest vehicle on the road, incapable of hitting anything

I see you only have $0.56 in your account so here's and $8.95 monthly maintenance fee, for not having enough money to prevent the fee, your account is now in the red, and you owe us $8.39 but wait you overdrafted here's a $35 fee, you're welcome and thank you for choosing bank of america

You know it's kind of early, do you wanna maybe come in for some coffee, or something, it's a little late for coffee, isn't it, you think coffee means coffee, that's so sweet

Historic storm juno, random snow storm in buffalo with no name that doesnt matter

Do not put coins into the machine it will eat them, vending service has been called, your coins were delicious, the machine

Snow storm, i better pick up a few more hotdogs

Do you never party, you know i sit and talk to people, i talk about malaria and tuberculosis, for people who like that i am a fun guy

Sometimes i wonder, how do germans feel killing their countrymen in wwii games

Is mayonnaise a gender, no tumblr mayonnaise is not a gender

Which letter from the title of frozen are you, are you more of a z or an n?

If you girlfriend looks like this you are probably dead

Maybe broccoli doesn't like you either, saw this sign at a salad bar today

Says christians should only share their faith if asked, says he's an atheist every chance he gets

If i don't pay up i'll go to jail for tax evasion, i'm crazy enough to take on batman, but the irs, no thank you

When u are torenting movies for a week nonstop

Recreational pot is now legal in both colorado and washington, those two states are planning to turn idaho into a bong

I was excited to discover that half these books are not magical spells whatsoever, do you rifle through these things, let's do something evil, and what is it, the friggen yellow pages

Die honorably when attacking other villages, stand by idly when village is under attack

Arica says she found a tooth in her house that michael can't explain

Homer there's a man here who thinks he can help you, batman, no he's a scientist, batman's a scientist, it's not batman

Freshly washed ballerinas

How many times will america make the same mistake, as many times as it takes

So dad, when are you going to buy me a car for getting into university, this isn't an american film dylan, i'm never going to buy you a car, if i had money to buy you a car, i'd buy me a car

I've got a potato tattooed on my back, have a look, i can confirm that's a potato, why have you got that, if i were you i'd have that checked out, has it changed shape in the last few years, used to be a chip on his shoulder

Yo kid wanna buy some wiid

Gee brain, what are we going to do tonight, the same thing we do every night, pinky, get high and play video games

Cracking the teen texting code, bd9 bush did 9/11, ij inside job, jf jet fuel, sb steel brakes

Roads closed, pipes frozen, albinos virtually invisible, the national weather service has upgraded springfield's blizzard from winter wonderland to a class 3 kill-storm

When someone puts an ice in your shirt

We made eyecontact twice this month, i think he wants to marry me

Wait for me i have little legs

When u ask ur mom for fast food and she says yes and asks what u want, i don't know i didn't think i'd get this far