Me when I wake up from a crazy dream and my brain has already completely wiped it from my memory 5 seconds later - All right then keep your secrets

He's probably out with other girls - If I don't reach that tree before that car I'll die

When you sit down and your thighs do the thing

Will you tell the cat - Bullying is not okay?

Her:(whispers) I want you to make me scream with your fingers - Me: pokes her in the eyes super hard

You: Mom, I'm sick - Thermometer: He's sick - Doctor: He's sick - Mom: is he though?

When you enter into YouTube's trending section

When that one side of your stuffy nose gets fully unblocked for few seconds

Vegans - Animal abusers - Just some dude that ordered a sandwich

When someone says all sodas taste the same - Am I a coke to you?

Leaked photo of YouTube staff picking Trending videos

When you eat your daily two vitamin gummies but didn't notice one of them had a 3rd gummy stuck to it so you overdose

When giraffes go to work do you think they put the tie at the top or bottom of their necks?

When Netflix cancel your show and then release a movie where being blind is the key to survival

When you're dead but then you remember you forgot to delete your hieroglyph history

When you've successfully dodged all of the creepy dudes trying to sell you moisturizer at mall kiosks this is the Final Lotion Boss you must face

New Year, New You, Use your blinker

High beams 1998 - 2018

When you're smart enough to know how awkward you are but not smart enough to know how not to be awkward

After I give advice, I always end my sentence with: "Idk tho" so you can never say I ruined your life

When you finally find out who is actually stopping you from improving yourself as a person

Teacher: what are you laughing about - Me: melon musk

27th december - 31st - Confused, full of cheese, unsure of the day of week

My neighbor is projecting trailer park boys onto the water tower

Whe your son is going through a phase

If gas station knives were a person

That one friend who likes all your posts

When you're out in the rice field and the sky starts singing fortunate son

Germany listening to the terms of the Treaty of Versailles

When you actually get the kids back form Karen - I never thought I'd get this far

When your telling your grandparents about your job and they have no clue what you're talking about but they're supportive

Friendship is strong.. but hungry is stronger!

Even though it's been over 45 years, Bert still cannot help but instinctively look up in the trees for snipers

2028 Samsung Galaxy s40

I finally asked her out - I'm going on a date on Pokemon Road - I'm meeting with a friend to go see some of the Pokemon on Pokemon Road

Boss: Table 14 needs more sauce - Me: Uhh

When someone interrupts me while I'm talking to myself

Tinder date: I like guys that are into politics [thinking of something to impress her] - I'm gonna steal the declaration of independence

Today I realized Plankton eats holographic meatloaf for dinner be holograms are projections of light, and plankton gain energy through photosynthesis

Dentist: When was the last time you flossed? - Me: Bro you were there

Another victim of Samsung phone - this time the Battery didn't explode but the girlfriend found out the password

You're fired - Your employment is hereby terminated - You're jobn't - You're promoted to customer

When you and your bro·ther having a fight but then your mom comes in

When you try to give yourself more energy by drinking caffeine but you just end up increasing your heart rate and giving yourself anxiety

I think my Uber driver is in trouble - you good - hi on way am lost - How did this happen dinesh

Trump's constant use of witch hunt offends witches

White people: all Asians look the same - Also white people

Everyone on January 6th - There is no easter bunny there is no tooth fairy and there is no Queen of England

Guess who's been looking at memes all day instead of being productive

Let's be more than friends - Best friends? No more than that - Mega best friends? Block 100