White people can't handle spicy food, umm no try again, lays lightly salted

Biden: F is for friendsss who do stuff together, obame: joe, we, biden: u is for u and me barack, you and me

Me: send me pics, girl: what you wanna see, me: spiderman, girl: what

The spice expands consciousness, the spice is vital to space travel

When you're still unfamiliar with laws in saudi arabia

E h 4 m, potato shape, coffee mug shape, smudge smudge middle finger smudge, the rest are all smudges, oh my god you drove us here

When you have massive diarhea and can't find the gender-neutral bathroom

When ur candles are fake but it's ok because ur love keeps you warm

The hardest part about being vegan is having to wake up at 5am to milk all the almonds

When your normie friend tags you in a meme you've seen 20 times already, this is good haha yes funny thx

I'm not a thug, i'm police, okay then name one law, don't kill people, that's on me, i set the bar too low

Do you have a minute, i'd like to talk to you about something i'm really uncomfortable talking about, you showering with your mom, i had a topic in mind

When that first cup of coffee touches your soul

And he says nathan that new coat is wicked pissa

Relationship goals: husband plays nazi zombies while wife feed him

About a year ago, someone asked how much you smoke, you said 81 blunts a day is that true, it's probably abouy 75 now

When you tell your mans all the tea cause he your best friend too

About to touch a sting ray, i should punch it though just to let it know steve irwin still got shooters out here

Do you think that there is a racoon in the house, yes, no, there is not a racoon in the house

Can you take me to the mall to get a dress, okay first of all i'm so glad you felt comfortable enough to come to me with that and you know what if this is something you want to explore, oh it's not for me, it's for molly but you handled that really well

Cinnabon - rip carrie fisher, you'll always have the best buns in the galaxy

Dad tell me about 2016, ok hold on, slams 3 shots of tequilla, it all started when kanye tweeted bill cosby innocent

Jennifer, will you marry me, just kidding i'm breaking up with you, you have 6 days to move out

Hits blunt, when you buy a bigger bed you have more bed room but less bedroom

To catch a fish, you have to think like a fish, i'm wet and i don't know it

5 seats in the front, 7 seats in the middle, 5 seats in the back, haikubaru it's poetry in motion

Well i got the results of your ultrasound and i got some news for you, we don't wanna know if it's a boy or a girl, ok well it's not breathing

When your future kids start complaining about life and you start to tell them about the story of 2016

My powers have doubled since the last time we met count, 2 x 0 is still 0

Spend 30 minutes trying to stream a movie illegally, realize i have the movie on dvd

On public transport and a small boy starts swinging on the pole that you use to stand, look daddy i'm just like mommy

So i can't bring a stick inside but you're allowed a whole tree?

Anyone else have a ex bf who sends messages by bank transfer when everything else is blocked and you changed your number, he told me we couldn't be friends and to get out of his life and never to speak again only doing what i was told lol, i dunno anyone in the same boat, transfer from todd commbank app, i miss you so much $0.01

Who would win in a fight, the predator or kevin from home alone, how much prep time does kevin get

Children can't believe in santa claus but y'all grown & still think your zodiac sign controls your personality

Googles gary oldman, leaves out the r

When kakarot says he doesn't know what kissing is but has 2 kids

Why is daddy sad on sunday, a coloring book depicting the most disappointing moments in cleveland sports

When u santa but u crip

There's a man at the door with a mustache, tell him i've already got one

When you take her with you to your homeboys house and her wifi automatically connects

Me to my anxiety people are focused on themselves, they're not thinking about you, depression: ever, that's not what i meant

When you're trying to act normal but the weed just too strong

When you get back with your girl after cheating and then you look back at her girls who warned her

My sister says that lil yachty looks like mase wearing a raggedy ann wig and suddenly i can't unsee it

My fave part of the godfather is when his mustache turns into a tree

When you use your white voice for the phone interview to get the job

When ur strawberries have more booty than you

When you lose your stingray but then you find it again

Rare image of a shark stepping on a lego