When your girl is mad at you but you ask if she's hungry

How about i bury my bone in your backyard?

The hunter quietly stalks its prey in preparation for a battle royal

You're too easily offended, i can't believe you just said that

Magic conch, will i ever need this game, maybe someday, the conch has spoken

Lactose intolerant, human intolerant

If only there was a better name, curved yellow fruit

Cowboys are in the playoff and gas under $2, is this the 90's?

Not sure whether to go to an aa meeting or just sit down with a glass of wine and start working on the sofa

The gas prices are easily startled but they will soon be back up and in greater numbers

I might as well face it, i'll probably spend the rest of my life in here, but look at the bright side bunny-boy, maybe ya won't live that long

Children left unattended will be given to the goblin king

They say a woman's work is never done, maybe that's why they get paid less

Human give me that corn fritter please, oh yes human so close to being in my belly

I thought ariana granda was a font

Look how awesome this movie is, and the best part is you can't watch it

Actually it's not a helmet, it's a hair-met, it has extra room so you don't mess up your hairdo, i'm gonna write you a prescription for two testicles

Tine yee, ordered to return the calculator

It's official yall, $5 is gas money again

I told my mother, i think i'm gonna quit my job and i'm gonna move to new york and be an actor, and she said what do you know about acting, so what does she say now, thanks for the mercedes

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks, and it was way too literal for me

We're developing a sensor to install in the football helmet to detect traumatic brain injury and record it, but why do we need this, i played football as a kid and i never suffered any brain injury

Phoebe, great name, you like that, you should hear my phone number

Please bring all your friends and try to kill me as many times as you want, i've already won

You know as a coach i've advised a number of teams to poach korean players instead of trying out new north american talent

Oh dont mind me, just farting at your toothpaste

Perhaps you should switch to another cable company, oh there's not another cable company is there?

If you propose to your girlfriend and she looks at the ring a lot more than she looks at you, then you might have just choosen the wrong one

Who fed nocturne

You will not ruin my Christmas, not again not this year, but i've only worked here for three months

Sputnik was the first satellite, do you know how they launched it, laika dawg

Could you load me a bowl of ice cream

Did you hear about the roof, nevermind it's over your head

I have no idea who elon musk is and at this point i'm too lazy to google it

When you just coughed your lungs out and your homie ask if you good

If i had a dollar every time a bad enemy player gets carried and they say gg easy

What makes you hungrier the more you eat, edibles

i can show you the world, i can show you the door

This sirloin is a cut above the rest, i put that one over the plate, awesome, steak puns are a rare medium well done

Creates a solid opportunity for dogs to win internet over from cats

When you get all dressed up and your plans get cancelled

Iz boxing dai right?

Remove toxic people from your life, even if they are blood relatives

Hits blunt, if 2 vegetarians are arguing is it still considered beef

When someone gets home from work, give them 5 minutes before engaging in a conversation with them, people often need time to settle in and are usually thankful for a few minutes peace

I survived suck it, schrodinger

Last night i dreamt my flour sack was abducted, and the kidnappers started sending me muffins in the mail

Johnny tightlips, where'd they hit you, i ain't sayin nothin, but what do i tell the doctor, tell him to suck a lemon

You know australia is dangerous fire danger rating today, when the second lowest fire level is high

You make no sound when you walk, then i am ready to leave the monastery and avenge my parents, i'm kidding, i just buy very expensive shoes made from soft animals