Metallica, am i on drugs, need a lift, we don't take rides from strangers, i'm no stranger remember this, oh yeah springfield arena 1997 row xx seat 64 i was about to quit the band when i saw the lighter, you saved me that night

Maybe you should hustle, as hard as you hate

I'll never drink again, oh look fireball

The cat's on vacation, i'm filling in

When our home was broken into i went to my daughters room and threw away all of her justin bieber things, i told her the burglars took them

Finishes writing 10 page paper, clicks exit to save

Mayweather be like, ayo pops, what's good nigglet, what are you reading, i wish i knew

For two years i ate nothing but raw milk and oats, i literally quadrupled in size, i then started growing teeth so i could eat solid foods

And i believe that if i eat a tub of butter and no one sees me, that calories don't count

Liquor before beer you're in the clear, beer before liquor you're still in the clear

How to brake up, ur ex is sexy, them which one, me bye lol

Jackie, you can't just white out a question you don't want to answer

I hate it when someone starts asking me questions just after waking up

I plugged a usb in on the first try, there's nothing stopping me today

I cuted my hair and it went back to curly, dont you mean cut, it's past tents, hope for the future there is none

When your parents try to use technology

So i saw this on a car today, if i'm speeding it's because i have to poop

Not sure if it means love or leave

I don't always show youtube videos to my friends, but when i do they don't load

You know what really grinds my gears, when michael jackson comes here just to read the comments

You don't have to push the button harder to make the car run faster, said no racing gamer ever

He's fresher than their ingredients, taco bell employee of the month

If i pretend like i am trying for long enough, my girlfriend will get frustrated and do it for me

Oh look, it's a finished painting of the people who want to date you

If you ever get in a fight with your significant other just breathe in the helium out of a balloon and have an argument and the first one to laugh loses, you just put every marriage counsellor out of business

What i do when i break something, fix it, tell somebody that i broke it, fix it just enough so that the next person to use it thinks they broke it

Lives in africa and learns english from an english woman, speaks with an american accent

When someone not from our class walks in, a stranger from the outside

That moment when you realize you forgot your wallet

Haven't played with it in over ten years, doesn't need to update

You can't be broke and ugly, pick a struggle

I know you like the back of my hand

I'm not pay $600 for photoshop, talk like a pirate day

As a lurker who's now registered, how i feel being able to post, up/downvote and comment

Y'all got any more of them walks?

To avoid injury don't tell me how to do my job

Heading to fat camp, no why do you say that, because you're fat, is that your dad, no why do you say that, because he's fat too, welll so you are, i know that's why i am going to fat camp

What if i told you, one use could control imgur for an entire day

Emily and danquan still a better love story than twilight

Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, like englishmen and scots, or welshmen and scots or japanese and scots or scots and other scots, damn scots they ruined scotland

You mean to tell me, scotland voted against its own freedom?

They will never take out freedom, cause we'll formally decline the offer in a democratic election

Dear frozen yogurt you are the celery of desserts, be ice cream or be nothing, zero stars

How can you defend a country where 5% of the people control 95% of the wealth?

So your name is phi, phistor, and your first name is, gay, your name is gay phistor and you want to work in a school full of teenagers

Your word is weather, which one can you use it in a sentence, certainly i don't know whether the weather will improve

I was mad at the group n sync because they didn't have a black guy i feel like they should have had a black guy, i'm pretty sure i thought i was black then anyway

I haven't found anyone better in the last 5 years, and obviously neither have you

They tell us its a girl all i see is a furby

The man of the hour, you think you are so clever don't you, i happen to know that every word in your book was published years ago, perhaps you've heard of the dictionary