This chicken is so uncooked that a skilled vet could still save him

Dobby will protect you, and your fort master

When u tryna take a pill and it touched ya tounge and u taste it

How can you talk if you haven't a brain, oh some people without brains do an awful lot of talking

Ran out of hard drive space while installing new games from the summer sale

The kittens are throwing up in your room, but that's none of my business

Do you know what luis suarez said after he bit the italian defender, that's a spicy meatball

This dish is so disgusting, luis suarez won't take a bite of it

Did you hear about the world famous cow, people came from everywhere to taste the milk, she was udderly legen dairy

Used confession bear before it was cool

I forgot how to bird, guess i'll just freedom instead

Yes hello this is your pilot speaking and by pilot i mean i read a wikihow on flying a plane once so i guess ill just have to wing it haha just a little pilot humor nothing to worry about folks im sure i can figure this out

I tried to talk to toby and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail

Hello yes this is dog, i dont know who you are but i will find you and i will kill you

I can't ket them know i'm reading their minds, they'll think i'm spying on them, oh snap i just read my own mind, wait everybody can do that, hahaha

You know what really grinds my gears, a broken clutch

If your tongue is numb do you have bad taste?

Ready for a team fight, ult's back to base

Become a musician they said, attract lots of babes they said

They told us we could be anything, so we became apples

Im pretty sure the ball is still behing your back

Children must always wear a seat belt, except if you put 50 of them in one vehicle

To katch teh cheezburger, i must be teh cheezburger

Remember chew like you have a secret

Whatcha thinkin about, i dunno gettin marched dramatically down a corridor stuff i guess, yeah same here

Live long and pawspurr

Hi there, i'm get-down-no, what's your name

I've never even kissed a guy before, me neither

Tea is just leaf flavored water

Ok the first one up is shawn hunter, his poem is called welfare, you want me to read this loud or just forward it to the guidance counselor

Oh aren't you a beautiful boy, thanks, i've been experimenting with back-combing

I wish i had an extra finger, then i could grab more cheese balls

The hardest part about going to the gym is just showing up, the second hardest part is finding a comfy chair

This may be the beer talking but i love beer

I get tired from just thinking of everything i have to do

Aqua teen hunger force, when you're too stoned for spongebob

I don't always complain that my clothes are too tight, but when i do my husband proves me wrong

Who online daters fear meeting most, women a serial killer, men fat women

Chicks be like you left the toilet seat up

I don't need luck, i'll be with dumbledore, i'm not worried harry, i'm with you

We examined your stool sample, it was delicious, shut up mike

Rejected by the one girl i loved, i'll never find another one like her again, don't worry brock, you'll find plenty of other girls to reject you

Just getting ready to read some comments

I'll tell you something i wish there were pig-men, get a few pig-men walking around, suddenly i'm looking a lot better, if someone wanted to fix me up, they could say at least he's no pig-man

This human took a photo of me once, once

Hello michael, i'm returning your call you said it was urgent, i just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, well today's not my birthday so, really i thought we had the same birthday, happy birthday michael, thanks

No time to explain get in the llama

I love you don't go in the kitchen

This homework looks hard do you want me to eat it?

You know you are from michigan, when the store advertises how many deer a freezer will hold