If a fat girl falls in the woods do the trees laugh

Wanna watch airbud, totally

The doorbell is like barking for houses

Play dead, no man play floyd

If you get hit it's your own fault

If you stacked all the $1 us bills in circulation, the stack would quickly become unstable and fall over

If elected i promise i will just get publicly drunk, vote ray faranzi

If the human population held hands around the equator a significant portion of them would drown

If you weighted all of the ants in the world, numerous ecosystems would be disturbed

Best chiropractor that money can buy

Look we got four or five of the main characters on this ship i think we'll be fine

I dont care, if you don't like me, i love me, this little girl has more self esteem than most of the girls on my facebook feed

I see you're drinking one percent, is that cause you think you're fat, cause you're not, you could be drinking whole if you wanted to

Do you know why the bike couldn't stand by itself, it was two tired

So i went to go get a drink and there is a furby in the vending machine, do you think this is some sort of game

I'd probably love that new park, if you ever took me there

When you're russian for food there's no time for stalin

Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green

Believes all bullies should be punished, bullies every guest that has a different opinion than hers

That awkward moment when your forget you're not playing gta

Cat dad is watching the football game in the distance while pretending to pay attention to the kittens

He cured, the dog killed the man look at the machine its flat line

Who thinks obama should not run for the presidency in 2016, the constitution

All those years, wasted fighting each other, charles, 1 hour later

You ever boxed before, i have yes, like the tae ba, booty boot camp, crunch, something like that, rule number one, never take your eye off your opponent

Well there's your problem, your serpentine belt is the wrong size

You didn't pack the luggage, like what's the big deal, we all wear the same outfits every single day anyway

When does spring start, i live in minnesota

You know what they say about love and war, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain and the other one's war

When you wake up from a nap looking for good

You sold us to facebook, good work

What guys with chinstraps think they look like, what they really look like

You're all stupid, see they're gonna be lookin for army guys

Give a man some fire, and he'll be warm for a day, set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life

Save yourself mammal, we will fend off the reapers, 65 million years ago

That post gave me kepral's syndrome

Saturn's moon titan has 100 times more oil than earth, sounds like titan needs some freedom

How the american president arrives, how the dutch prime minister arrives

Want the nsa to stop tracking your phone, put it on airplane mode

You'll see on my resume, i have caught the mailman

Well i've decided to major in philosophy, that's good because they just opened up that big philosophy factory in green bay

I'm kinda tired, but i also kinda want to go out

Aladeen changed over 300 wadiyan words to aladeen, including the words positive and negative, causing mass confusion, do you want the aladeen news or the aladeen news, you are hiv-aladeen

After work i drive 3 miles from my house and hide beer, then i drive home and run to the beer after which i walk home drinking it and pondering life

If you ever feel useless, always remember, that north korea has a hotel

Hey girl, what up, what are you wearing, it's to distract people from my black eye, see it's working

Look jack, i don't have a lot of personal life experience, but if i have learned anything from my sims family

Bro let's get matching anchor tattoos, why bro, so our friend ship never floats away

It looks like you forgot to reblog my selfie lol

How do three men in their 30 not have $800 between them, the economy is in shambles