I still remeber the first time you talked to me - hey, no

Lining up for the homeless shelter, because we thought swag would pay our bills lol

No hope, no cash, no jobs, please don't die

If you teach your parrot to say parrot it's probably as close as you'll get to owning a pokemon

Another pointless day where i accomplish nothing

Oh, you were just exploring, not in my country

You are drawing meatball, ignore hitler

Hey cosgrove, how come you never got married? - Because i like meat so much

He's in the water, all units drive your cruisers into the ocean and drown

My husband told me to pick up some oil, i now know how guys feel in the tampon aisle

How come you always lean forward like a fat girl who's trying to look skinny does?

Not sure if hair in image or on screen

I would rather break my arms than make two trips

Alice places a prepared slide on her microscope but when she looks into it, she can't see anything, suggest one reason why not - She is blind

Day 47, the superman still believe i am one of them

Slender man, the college years

Retriever used flamthrower, it's super effective

Monica we're out of candy - There's only been like three kids - Yeah i know but one little girl told me she love me so i just gave her everything - No wonder you're pregnant

My reaction when i see the price of console games, as a pc gamer

It's sale time - No steam, no

I'm not saying it was meth

Visits America 300 years before Columbus, doesn't commit mass genocide

All in all i'm just another cat in the wall

Offers master favorite toy as token of friendship, throws it

Shy tank, watches the other tanks play at the tankground

Roommate tried to convince the cats that he didn't get the cheapest possible cat food

Eggcellent news

The allies had an alcoholic nazi hating bear to help them in WWII - Yeah, it was called Russia

My sister invited a bunch of friends and there isn't enough place in her room so they just gathered on my bed - I joined the party

Master bruce, i ... Ms Gordon see you've discovered our little secret, yes i admit it i am Batman

So you guys feel it yet - This floor is amazing

Boromir is dead, he was played by sean bean what else did u expect?

Girlfriend decides to put a sock on my dogs foot, and my dog seemed a little shocked to say the least

Tell a smoker that smoking is unhealthy and nobody bats an eye, tell a fat person that being fat is unhealthy and everybody loses their minds

Arkansas - Come for the meth, stay because you traded your car for meth

How old are you McLovin? Old enough - Old enough for what? To party

Why is that dog wearing glasses - Because his insurance wouldn't pay for contacts

Hey girl, i don't mind if you're a little husky, i'll love you no matter what

I'll start my own avengers team with the ninja turtles

I miss the days when you didn't have dlc, internet connection or invasions of privacy and everything you wanted and needed was put on a cartridge no exceptions

Don't drink a car under the influence of alcohol

She look like a baked potato

Says his name at the start of every song so you can have time to change the station

One dollar, two bags of gummy bears - It's like, i don't even care what happens for the rest of the day

I don't even know what i could do or say if i met my favorite celebrities, i would probably just sit there like this

Who decided to change the level of meeting room - Not me, i don't know, it's my idea!

It's called malcom in the middle not malcom on the left

I'm in no condition to drive, wait i shouldn't listen to myself i'm drunk

I wonder, if i can touch my toes right now

Gun shaped cloud spotted over school, all students suspended for 5 days