The details of my dream are kinda fuzzy - Hang on, i'll adjust the antenna - Reception

I wear a lot of Axe body spray, but i live in a black neighborhood and it's called Ask body spray

Me and google are so close we finish each others sentences

Do you want to see me do an impression of a short retarded person - No dad, that's not funny

Further proof Nicolas Cage is an immortal

Idaho Potato Museum - Got drunk at the hotel and walked here hand a grand ol time with the giant potato

The carpet shark claims another victim

If you didn't want me to call you booger eater then you shouldn't have eaten your boogers

I know divorce is tough man, but my food dish isn't gonna fill itself

It's never to early to feed the cat

Marco's food 7 wings you touch this you die! Do not eat marco's food 87 fries!

Frank, i seriously doubt you can make me laugh this time

Unattended kids will be given redbull and a kazoo

I'm trying to make my life exciting so i've been stealing candy recently

And here we see wild semi trucks napping in their natural habitat

Cleaning lady comes tomorrow better make it spotless

I chase him i bite him, bad man, he tasty, good boy, good boy peach

Had to unplug the touch lamp to prevent this adorable bastard from turning it on whenever he was hungry at night

Despite being in his thirties, Andy still found it highly amusing to ring people's doorbells and run away

Why are they posing when i'm taking a photo of myself?

Just found my old science teacher from jr high on facebook

I'm sorry to bother you but the bird feeder is empty

Capacidad maxima 10 personas - Maximum capacity 3 americans

Seatbelts are very important - Unless you are driving a huge truck full of children

None of this would have happened if we weren't so rich

I have funerals i never know what to say - Just say, i'm sorry for your loss and move on

One time my friend sent a pic of a birthday cookie but he didn't have candles so instead he lift a green bean on fire

Excuse me - There seems to be a face on your makeup